poem 3 – (part 5)

Friday  

(start: 9:05         end: 9:35)             To write about the poem in general, there is nothing else you could feel but “regret” and “despair”. The speaker regrets for marrying his wife instead of this “her”, and he is now living in “despair” with this “desolate” life.

            If I can talk to the speaker literally, I would look him into the eye and would say, “Marry Me! I’m selling “Lust” with no “love” and “commitment” offered!” I believed that if the speaker married his wife for Lust’s sake, the he must be looking for a commitment-free-marriage. Hmmm, where on earth can this “commitment-free-marriage” be bough? I think it would be the best gift for my father. He just married my mom for the “Lust: (or whatever…), and let his children suffer and carry the burden he left behind.

            How silly it is, that I’m only writing about his poem, yet I’m not writing about my family. I can simply agree that this poem, though artistically invented, is still one of the things that help reflects reality.

            Uhmmm… I’m thinking about this “lust over love” again. I can’t stop myself thro labeling some men as: “lust-hungry”. Can anyone label me as a “feminist”? Ok, I admit, I’m partly stereotyping men, but all I wanted from the poem is to explain or to further show how the “wife” mad the speaker’s life “desolate”.

poem 3- (part 4)

Thursday          

 (start: 7:18pm    end: 7:48Pm)              In the fourth stanza, even though the lines were repeated, some ideas of the poem were changed. By this stanza, I saw that the speaker hopes for a child, but he was “punished with a wife” in which he was “choked” by his own “hopes”.

            You will notice that in the 3^rd line for the fourth stanza, the poet chose to write “my hopes… The harvest of your haunting eyes”, instead of “My hopes, the harvest of your haunting eyes.” With this style of writing, the ‘effect’ of ‘emotion’ was more emphasized.

            Like villanelle and terzanelle, pantoum’s obsession in repeating lines, served as the ground for the poem’s emphasis on its ideas.

            However, the poem ends, but the image of “wife” was not developed well. The speaker “despises” his “wife” but it was not shown how the “wife” acted as if she was the queen of “darkness.” But, I would like to point out, that the whole poem was effective, in terms of sustaining the emotion, of maintaining the consistency of the speaker and of supporting the main point: “If I had married you instead of her.”

            Even though the poem ends after you read the fourth stanza, the idea of blamed innocent “children” were mentioned, making me thing about my own self again…

 

poem 3 – (Part 3)

Wednesday (start: 5:25pm           end: 5:55pm)             “For having married more for lust  that love, I’m punished with a wife whom I despise”, – You’re really “punished” men. You “despise” your wife, but you were the ones who chose lust over love.

            In the 3^rd stanza of the poem, the speaker “despise” his wife, but not showing us exactly why he felt this way towards his wife. I mean, his reason for marrying “more for lust that love” does not exactly answer my question. However, I believed that the poet was able to convey the emotion by using the word “despise”. I also believed that it wasn’t placed there just to rhyme the word “eyes”.

            As a nature of pantoum, the first and the third line of the poem was repeated. Because of its repetition, the idea was repeated and remained, but the emotion rises. The second and the fourth line causes this rising emotion of the poem – we now can feel that the speaker doesn’t also “regret”, but indeed he was “punished”. We now also can feel the pain of the speaker in facing his shattered “hopes.”

            With the mention of the word “hopes”, I would like to comment that the second powerful line for me, next to “for having married more for lust that love”, is “my hopes the harvest of your haunting eyes.” In here, you could see that the speaker’s wife haunts “his” being. His wife’s eyes not only stares him, but “haunts” him, until his hopes were hers too.

            Even up to this stanza, you could still feel the pain the speaker is carrying. I guess the repetition of lines help, but the creation of new lines help the most.

            However, I was wondering how could one “harvest” something from “darkness.” The question leads me to my thesis’ theme – “celebrating ‘good harvest’ during Kadayawan Festival”. In fact, I was thinking not if maybe I could add poems in my play collection – a part of my thesis.

Poem 3 – (Part 2)

 Tuesday (start: 8:17am end: 8:47am)

             Is really lust greater than love? I say, love won’t work without lust. But in the poem’s case, lust dwells inside women’s body, yet men were the ones who labeled it as “LUST”! Even though women were subject to being the object of “lust”, they had the power to manipulate or control men’s lives using this bait – “lust”! See, men would end up saying, “I would not now be seething with regret!”

            Going back to the poem, I noticed in the second stanza, that the speaker really can’t deny this feeling of “regret”! I personally would like to tell the speaker, “Tagam! Gaba-an!”, for having married more for lust than love.”

            The poem is full of “If only’s…            - if only “I had married you instead of her”            - if only “I” had not “married more for lust that love.”            - if only “I” am aware before hand that “in the darkness where you” live.All of these “if only’s” were all found up to the second stanza of the poem. In other words, the poet was able to sustain and heighten the emotion of the poem.

           Also, the use of the phrase “more for lust than love” was very effective, that by reading it, you could feel that the speaker really regrets. And the use of the phrase “before my life turned decollate” supports the ideas of “if only’s”.

   

         Even up to this point, I could not imagine how “cruel” the wife can be. In the poem, the speaker was able to explain/express his feeling of regret. However, the speaker was not able to point out the things the wife did, in order for his husband to blame her for his “desolate” life. The poet was not able to support the lines, “my hopes before my life turned desolate; now live but in the darkness where you move.”

            Even though the poet was not able to “give justice” to the portrayal of the “wife”, I was satisfied through, because the men was fooled because of his own lustful desire. Note: I’m not stereotyping all “men” and “wives” though. 

poem 3 – “If I had Married You Instead of Her” (part 1)

Monday

(start:  11:10am             end: 11:40)             When was the last time you ‘cried over spilled milk’? I bet you just cried and care not to mix another glass. But, what if you cried over a said “yes” when all you earned back were pure “no’s”? Isn’t it a powerful slap of regret on your face?

            “If I had married you instead of her,” is a poem that talks about the “regret of their husband towards her wife. If only he married this “you” instead of his wife, he would not be living in “regret”. The husband also believes that his “life tuned desolate” after he chose to marry his wife.

            In the first stanza, I found the words “trapped” and “choked” very appropriate and effective. Through the use of these words, the poet was able to express the real emotion of his poem. The speacker was indeed “trapped” and “choked” causing him to feel regret.

            However, I felt sorry for these “children: mentioned. In reality, children always suffer for their parent’s mistake. Children don’t have any choice – they were born without having the freedom to choose who will be their parents. I believe I had the right to raise this statement, because I personally am a “children” that “trapped” my father, for being a “father”.

            I also felt sorry for the wife. The husband was able to express himself why he regrets, but through out the poem, we never heard the poet of the wife (if we do, it would be another poem, right?). Anyways, I really wonder what the “wife” did that made the “life” of this husband “desolate.” Had she cheated on him? Or does she became a nagging wife? Or, simply because the speaker chose a wrong women, that basically made his life “move on to darkness”.

poem 2- “working hands” (part 1)

Date: 8/21/07

Start: 9:17

End: 9:47

 

Working Hands

by Francisco X. Alarcon

                                                                                                                                   

“Working Hands” is a poem composed of 5 couplets. Each couplet doesn’t follow rhyme or meter. However, the repetition of the word “we” and “your” at the first and second couplet produced a certain beat that made the poem lively.

            To further analyze the poem, I will discuss it per line and per couplet.

           

            “We clean your room” can be interpreted as a line stated by a worker. It simply explains that dirty works/messy occupations were given to these “we”.

            Moreover, on stanza 2, “we” explains that not only cleaning “your’s room” were their job, but also washing “your’s dishes.”

            By this point, we will wonder who this “we” and “your” is. By using the words “clean” and “do”, I can simply conclude that this “we” is a worker or an individual belonging in the working class. And this “your” belonged to a higher class, or the ones that dominate the society.

            The mention of the “footnote” is symbolic. Usually, footnote, is placed below the text to further explain unfamiliar term/s. With this, I can conclude that “we clean your room”, and “we do your dishes” were used as footnotes to simply show or elaborate the real situation of those individuals belonging in the working class.

            By the end of the poem, the “we” pointed out that “one day”, “these hands” or their working hands, “one day will write the main text of this land”. This simply explains that these “we” longed to express their selves through their writings. That one day, they will bring out their experience as individuals who dwell in the lower level of society.

            To study also the context of this poem, this was made to let the readers come “closer to the experiences of Latinos in the United States.” By this, you could basically apply the Post Colonial theory of powerless vs. powerful. Even though US is not a colonizer of these Latinos who chose to leave in the States, still you can smell a political undertone inside its couplet. All in all, the poem invites you to be part of their “colored worlds”.

Working Hands

Francisco X. Alarcon

 

we clean

your room

 

we do

your dishes

 

a footnote

for you

 

but hands

like these

 

one day

will write

 

the main text

of this land

poem 1- “do not go gentle into that good night” – (part 1)

Date: 8/15/07        Start: 1: 05 amEnd: 1:35 am  “Do not go gentle into that good night” Stanza 1             In the literal level, the first stanza tells us that one, even with old age should “not go gentle into that good night.” As what that speaker was trying to point out, “old age” or those individuals who’s nearing death because of their age, should not be weak, soft or “gentle” in facing the ironic “good night.”            On the third line of the first stanza, the speaker was telling that old and dying men should. “Rage against the…” fading of their life. The “Light” in this part served as a symbol for human’s life. When it turns night and light will fade, it means that an individual’s life has already ended.            “Rage, rage against the dying of the light.” – simply means wrestle, fight, and move violently against the coming death.  Stanza 2             Stanza 2 served as an example that supports the speaker’s command to “not go gentle into that good night”. Here, the speaker gave us the presence of the “wise men.” The speaker told us that, even though “wise men” know that “darkness” will eventually come along their way, still “they do not go gentle into that good night.”            Also, the “wise men” believed that sooner or later they will all die. They also believed that their “words” that made them wise can’t save them from dying, but still they don’t “go gentle into that good night”.  Stanza 3             Like stanza 2, the speaker supports his command by making good men as an example. Even though good men did “frail deeds”, that they thought might have been seen through a “green bay”, still they fight against the dying of the light.            The “green bay” served as a symbol for a deep death. Good man, though they knew that their “frail deeds” were found floating along the waves of a dead bay, still they tried to fight against the dying of the light. Stanza 4             Another stanza that supported the command of the speaker. In here, the speaker mentioned “wild men” as an example to support his point that one must not conceit to death. Wild men, even though they lived a “happy-go-lucky” kind of life and found themselves stuck in regret and “grieve” at the end of their way, still they don’t “go gentle into that good night. Stanza 5                        - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – -  Stanza 6             Here, we all knew that the speaker was addressing the command to his/her old father. Because of the mention of the “sad height”, we were given the idea, that the speaker’s father was dying.            All in all, I perceived the poem, “do not go gentle into that good night” as a poem of address. The speaker as the message carrier, while the father as the receiver of the message.            They all (wise men, good men, wild men, grave men)considered “night” as “good”, even though they will all face death.

Preface (Writing Process)

It Started With a Bowl of Hot Mami

        One afternoon, while I was sipping a bowl full of hot mami, Ian San Pascual, Younger brother of Ate Vivian, approached me and congratulated me for passing BAE in UP. I was not happy or delighted neither. I am doubtful upon hearing this because I haven’t received any letters yet. Weeks passed by and the letter arrived.
        I passed but I really don’t have an idea what BAE is. I just thought that when you passed UPCAT, you’re now free to choose any course in a particular campus. But I was wrong. It’s not that easy to change a subject that you originally passed.
        BAE or writing is not my passion after all. I just passed BAE because it was my classmate who filled up my application form. I was leaving for Baguio City then, when we were asked to fill up the form. Basically I don’t have much time reading the entire form. What my classmate did was, he filled up all the boxes on the form, and when he’s already done, he let me signed it. That’s how I applied in UP. I took the exam without knowing what BAE means.
        My aunt knew that I passed UPCAT. She was so proud of me. She told my father that she’ll shoulder all my expenses in school. But, in one condition – I must continue taking up BAE.
        This totally hindered my passion in pursuing Biology!
        My first 3 semesters in BAE really made me want to quit. I wanted to take up Biology badly. I want to exterminate my aunt from blackmailing me with her condition.
        I want Biology! I want to explore lives! I want to go inside the human body! And being a BAE (for the first 3 semesters) does not allow me to do it at all. All this things endlessly ran inside my brain. They only stopped when I reached my fourth semester – this is when BAE students were now taking up their major subjects.
        Now, as a third year student in the BA English – Creative Writing Program, I realized (and would never let go of this realization) that being a writer does not only explore lives, but also create lives, manipulate live or sometimes destroy lives. Being a writer does not only allow you to go inside the human body, but to go deeper – deeper into the human soul. Writing is far more adventurous and wondrous than Biology.
        Writing awarded me the license of becoming a biologist!

        To show to you that creative writing gave me the license to explain biology, the following essay, an attempt to pun a scientific paper, will prove to you that up to now, I kept that license by heart.

I. Problem
          Prove that the processes present in Mitosis or cell division are the same to that of the writing process in creating a poem, when it is said that there is no definite formula in writing. And, how can you say that Mitosis and poetry has “the same” process, when Biology and Creative Writing were two too different subjects?

II. Hypothesis
          If Mitosis is made up of the processes: Prophase, Metaphase, Anaphase, and Telophase; and writing a poem does not have a definite process, then you cannot obviously show and prove that the processes in Mitosis and Poetry are the same. Definitely because Poetry does not follow a process.
          If biology explains about a certain thing by means of telling us by the use of facts, and writing presents certain ideas or experiences by means of showing us concrete significant details, then it is too impossible to show and prove that the processes in Mitosis are the same toe that of writing a poem.

III. Materials
• Biology notes
• Sharpened pencil
• Blue ballpen (.5 only)
• Pillow (named Bibi)
• Dictionary (named bespren)
• Cellular phone (registered to Unlimited Text Promo)
• Poetry notes
• A clean piece of yellow paper
• Notebook
• Erase
• Mosquito coil
• 1 pack Magic Flakes
• Chocolate bars (preferably Chocomucho)
• Bed (with crumpled bed sheets)
• Radio
• Close door
• Open window
• Story ideas

IV. Methodology
          First you must get your Biology notes. Look for the chapter that talks about cell division. Read about Mitosis and its 4 stages: Prophase, Anaphase, Metaphase, and Telophase.
          Set aside you knowledge about Mitosis. Let us now skip to the most important material that we will be needing – story ideas. Listed bellow are the methods of gathering story ideas.
1. My story is based on an emotion, scenario and unfamiliar objects that I saw.
2. I write about something special that is close to my heart. Not something that is special to my heart.
3. I write about my friends experiences, views about things and emotions.
4. When I write based on an idea, it is an idea I heard from someone else.
5. When I write base on an experience, it is not my own experience, but other’s.
6. When I write about an emotion, it is something I saw rather than felt.
          After reading about Mitosis and gathering story ideas, let us now proceed to our poetry notes. the remaining materials will be used according to the methods enumerated below:
1. Go inside your room. When you get inside, make sure to lock your door and open your windows.
2. Lit up the mosquito coil and switch on the radio. Make sure that the radio is tuned into KB 89.1.
3. Arrange 1 pack of Magic Flakes (if not available, don’t continue this experiment) on top of the bed.
4. Also, arrange several bars of chocolate (Chocomucho, Demolino, or Safari) on top of the bed.
5. Prepare the dictionary (named Bispren), a pillow (named Bibi), and a fully charged cellular phone placed on top of the bed.
6. Gather pencil (sharpened), .5 blue ballpen, clean yellow paper, poetry notebook, and eraser. Place these on top of you bed.
7. In you poetry notebook, read some of the reminders about the dos and don’ts in writing.
8. Then sit on top of you bed.
9. Repeat all the steps daily, or when you are required to write a poem. Best when done at night.
You can now begin writing a poem.
 
V. Results and Discussion
          After following each step carefully, I found out that closing your door will definitely help you concentrate on your writing. The act of turning my radio on quite loud enough, is definitely one way of setting my heart into writing. It’s too ironic for an asthmatic like me to lit a mosquito coil inside a room, even though windows were open. As you can see, mosquito coil lit up is a big no-no for asthmatics, but believe me, I really like the scent of it. The strong aroma of the coil suits my mind and it helps me focus more on writing.
          Eating is part of my habit. I usually don’t go for heavy meals. I sometimes skip them. Cracker, pastries, and chocolates will simply substitute the 3 major meals. And when I write, I make sure that sitting beside me in bed is a pack of Magic Flakes crackers and chocolate bars. Theses snack foods lessen my tension and confusion in writing.
          I’ve been struggling for years against the real definition between “normal” and “weird”. 10 out of my 10 friends considered me as weird. I believe all of them doesn’t know what weirdness means. Anyway, they all fell down to 1 definite reason on why they called me as weird – it is because of my daughters named Bibi and Bespren. Bibi is a 7-year old pillow and her birthday was on August 17, 2000. While Bespren is a 13-year old dictionary and her birthday was on August 17, 1994. They were christened the same date with their birthdays. Their god parents were Mr. and Mrs. Me, Atty. Me, and Dr. Me. I really loved my pillow and dictionary. I really loved my daughter Bibi and Bespen. Every time I write, Bibi and Bespren sat beside me. Sometimes, they lay on my lap, on my back or between my arms. I just don’t talk to myself when I write. I always have a debate with Bibi and Bespen. Of course Bibi and Bespren don’t answer back, so it will always end up, me as the winner. This will simply make me feel so much better, and this pushes me to write more.
          Another reason why they consider me as weird is due to my cellular phone. All of them confessed that when they study or write a paper, they make sure that nobody’s disturbing them. They don’t want to entertain visitors or even receive a text message from a friend. These will all disrupt their concentration. I am not like them. I really love disturbances. And what I like the most is a message from my number 1 “illiterate textmate” in the whole cyber world. I intended that his description be that way. You will never stop laughing when you exchange text messages with him. At one point he’ll call you “Honey”, and moments later, he will call you “Ana”. You’ll ask him “musta?”, he’ll answer, “onsa mosta?”. I don’t want to be rude at him. He can’t blame me. He’s the one who texted me first. Just like my Bibi, he’s making me laugh. He reduced my tension when I’m writing. Every time I exchange text messages with him, I felt that I’m not that hopeless writer after all. He’s making me feel that I do learn something from my writing classes. He’s name was “Choy”, sometimes “Jake” or “Ken”. He’s too confusing but he’s a funny man.
          I am an insomniac. I acquired this disorder because of my asthma. Because of this, my brain was fixated to function the most at night, that sometimes I was enrolled in a night school. And most of my poems are written at night.
          Aside from pillows, cellular phone, crackers, and chocolates, my writing process wont be complete without a pencil, ballpen, yellow paper, notebook, and eraser. I consider myself as a slow writer – a very slow one. I don’t revise phrases on my mind. And I don’t even write my drafts in front of a computer. I directly jot my ideas on the paper using a Mongol Trio pencil and a .5 blue ballpen. I don’t use black ballpens at all. I am also particular when it comes to paper. I always prefer yellow paper and a notebook page. I can’t write well in a bond paper without lines, because I felt like I’m staring blankly onto nowhere, making my brain think about nothing. I also had this eraser. I don’t want to use my pencils eraser because I believe that the pencils head is the eraser, and when my pencil does not have a head anymore, then it is as good as me writing without a head.
          When I write, I don’t talk to myself. I talk to my bed, pencil, ballpen, eraser, paper, cellphone, crackers, chocolates, Bespren, and especially to Bibi. Even though they don’t help me find any Muse (for muses are hard to find), they all help me find the right stimulus in writing.

VI. Conclusion
          Based on the materials used and methodology followed, I found out that Biology and Creative Writing is somewhat connected. Study the diagram below:

          Upon presenting this diagram, I therefore conclude that the processes present in Mitosis are too similar from that of my writing process. I also want to emphasize the rejection I made towards my hypotheses – there is a process of formula followed in writing. The writer itself is responsible in finding or creating his or her own formula. Basically, your writing process is not the question here, what’s important is how a writer presented his idea or experience in a way that every readers, also experiences all the things that you’ve shown in your written piece.

VII. Recommendation
          Using Mitosis is one way of explaining my formula or process in writing. These first collection of poems entitled “Vanity Case” passed through this “Mitotic Process”.
          For the whole week, I’ve heard more than 20 times the word “vain”. Its so funny that I was mad at my girlfriend for being so “vain” when I myself, at first hand does not know that “vain” means.
          In searching for the meaning of “vain” I slowly became “vain” myself. I secretly searched its meaning in the dictionary, without knowing it. I don’t want to be humiliated! (see? A sign of vanity!)
          When I already know what “vain” means, I kept on scolding my girlfriend for being so vain, when in fact, I myself was becoming more vain than her. I kept on  scolding her just for the sake of hearing the word “vain” come out of my mouth. I love the enunciation of “vain” and “vanity” (see? again, a sign of vanity!).
          So, I stored this idea about “vanity” and discussed it with Bibi.
          Oh, Bibi doesn’t answer, so I believed what I suggested about my poem collection was alright. (again, another sign of vanity!).
          And so I created this title for my collection, “vanity case”. Literally, “vanity case” is a small traveling case used for cosmetics and toiletries. But eventually, I thought of something else. I transformed the “vanity case” into a piece of paper. This piece of paper will enclose all the body parts that is the central figure for vanity. My own vanity case will look like this:
 
 

          After gobbling some chocolates, I came up with this idea that each body part will be the main subject or be included in every poem. And the poems will be as follows: 1 poem for face, 2 for eyes, 2 for hair, 2 for lips, 2 poems for hands, 2 for feet/legs, 1 for butt, 1 for penis, 1 for vagina, and 1 poem for the whole body parts.
          Words are our only weapon. In order for a writer to come up with a right word, he/she must be always aware in expanding the usage of his/her senses. It is the role of the writer to place its body parts inside the paper. Once placed, keep it locked there. Let the body parts do the transforming of experiences in the showing of ideas and emotions you believed you saw rather than felt.

Poem no.15 – first draft

I Found a Pantoum Between His Legs
(After Lewis Turco’s “The Eunuch Cat”)

He dropped school and took care
of his precious bird in a cage
that plays with balls and human hair.
He studied, and wrote the details on page

about his precious bird in a cage.
Then for some minutes, he took a bath
and he studied, and wrote the details on page.
He cleaned the bird’s cage while wearing his hat.

After some minutes, he took a bath.
What else should I say? He’ll play with his bird anyway.
He cleaned the bird’s cage while wearing his hat,
took a bath, then slept all day.

Because of his precious bird in a cage,
He dropped school and took care of it.
What else should I say? He’ll play with his bird anyway,
took a bath, then slept all day.

Poem no.14 – first draft

How To Make a Healthy Baby: Instructions 101

my mother’s a mouth
and my father’s a spoon

my mother is hungry
and my father feeds her

my mother is thirsty
and my father lets her drink

my mother is already full
and my father left her

- with me inside my mother’s stomach.